Too much for Heaven, too little for Hell...

Lies, cigarettes and fairytales.
Though aren't lies and fairytales kind of one in the same?
Meh, no matter.
That's not why I came here.
I don't want to debate the social configuration of Prince Charming or the 7 Dwarfs.
"Life-saving woman", huh?
Really?
You actually think that?
Interesting. I don't think I would have used those words, personally.
But who am I to talk politics?
I dropped out half way through the race.
I resign, my fellow patriots. I step down from my post. But I sure as hell am not endorsing the other candidate.
You know, it's so funny how quickly a storm can come in.
One minute, blue skies. The next minute you'd think the world was ending.
Hell, maybe it is.
Have I had my head in the sand for too long to notice? Perhaps.
Well, I suppose I deserve your cold shoulder.
I haven't been much of a positive influence on you, have I?
No, I suppose I haven't.
I haven't supported you the way I could have.
I haven't congratulated you on certain "decisions" you have, er...made.
However, please do give me credit for keeping my mouth shut.
It's more than I can say for many right now.
I didn't tell you what I really thought.
I wasn't mean. At least, not mean by my standards. You've never seen me mean. I could rip your heart out and spit on it in a matter of a few sentences if I wanted to.
But I'm not like that.
I'm not like others.
Then again, I haven't exactly been nice, either.
I've made you cry and feel like the scum of the earth.
The funny thing is that I cried right along with you.
I felt like scum right by your side.
And now I feel even worse.
I walked away, thinking that I could protect myself if I did.
And it didn't fucking work.
I'm still out there in the open, bare, for all the world to see.
And still shots are being fired.
And I don't even know why.
I don't know what I did.
Do you?
I guess you probably don't, do you?
I guess I feel as though I deserve some credit here.
I'm still around, after all.
I had my thoughts recently. And you know the thoughts I speak of.
Had you actually died...
But that's another story for another day.
Really, none of this has to do with me, does it?
It has to do with you.
I'm just the bystander in all of this.
An innocent one?
No, not exactly.
I took my shots when no one was looking. I admit to that. I'm sure you've heard.
But I had to.
They were eating me alive inside.
And why you?
What makes you so damn special?
Stupid question.
Everyone that knows you can answer that.
I guess the real question is, why am I NOT special?
Why don't people fight for me?
Why am I always the one fighting for others?
Why am I willing to sweat and bleed and beg and pray and.....?
Why not for me?
"You must love yourself before someone can love you back."
Really? I think that's a crock of bullshit, myself.
Show me someone that TRULY loves themselves and has love.
And not just catastrophe love, or sex love, or needy love, or dependent love, or hopeless love, or convenient love.
REAL LOVE.
Shit, just show me someone who actually loves themselves completely and totally!
I think I saw one once on National Geographic, right along with the bad boy with the heart of gold.
(for clarification on the previous reference, please see other blog posts by your's truly)
Perhaps I am becoming comfortable with certain facts.
They may make me bitter.
And they may rip out the stitches I tried so hard to sew.
But at least something quite simple comes from that:
Truth.
The honest to God heart-stopping life-altering moving-on TRUTH.
So little go in search of it, you know.
I'm one of the few.
I had hoped you would be, too.
I guess I haven't figured out if you are or not.
Time will let that be known.
For time is now out of my hands.
It flew away. As did a chance. They were pretty as they left.
"Funny how beautiful people look when they're walking out the door."
Time to move away, and leave all of this in the dust.