Too much for Heaven, too little for Hell...

I am in love with a man that I cannot have.
My heart and soul have decided to defy logic.
What is logic, anyway?
The absence of doubt and regret?
The realization of a truth above all truths?
Everyday I doubt.
Everyday I regret.
Everyday I pray that this one truth is not what it seems.
Then I open my eyes, look around me, and know.
This emotion, this one emotion more than any other, leaves a bitter, hateful taste in my mouth.
Love itself defies logic, does it not?
It tears down the fortress you put around yourself.
And for days, weeks, months before hand, you didn't even see it happen.
All you know is that in the blink of an eye, you're unprotected.
You were too busy memorizing the lines of his face to notice anything else.
I saw his face once, long ago.
I stumbled backwards and found myself on my knees, ready and willing to worship love.
But love tapped me on the shoulder and then spat in my face.
And all the while, there I knelt, gazing at a soul I had known before.
I would die for love, you know.
Even though I hate it.
Even though it robs me of my sanity, my free will, my natural inclinations for self preservation.
Run away, whispers sanity.
Don't give in, whispers free will.
But give in I did.
I was happy with my choice.
Despite the odds.
My fortress had been torn down, my sanity had left me, and all I could see were the lines of his face.
That beautiful face that made me cry with longing and familiarity. 
I saw in him all I had ever wanted to see.
And though I knelt before him, my hands open to him, my head bowed in supplication,
He turned from me with despair in his eyes.
It's too hard, he whispered.
I won't allow it, he cried.
And so he ran from me.
He boarded a plane and took another's hand.
And there I knelt.
Amidst the rubble and chaos; my sanity dead in the gutter, and all logic wrenched from me.
I beat the earth with my fists and begged him to look at me again.
Then, with one glance over his shoulder and a tear on his cheek, he was gone with the gust of spring winds.
And I was left all alone to make sense of it.
Now my hands are bloodied.
My face is stained with a thousand tears unshed.
My heart lies in pieces, tucked away in a pretty box lined with white satin.
And the rich red color it once had is beginning to fade.
All for one small truth:
That I am in love with a man that I cannot have.
So I abandon logic.
Before it abandons me.



"It's funny how beautiful people look when they're walking out the door."