angelwithbrokenwings' Journals on Buzznet http://angelwithbrokenwings.buzznet.com/user/journal/ en-us <![CDATA[Headfirst For Heartache]]> http://angelwithbrokenwings.buzznet.com/user/journal/3690691/ My heart and soul have decided to defy logic.
What is logic, anyway?
The absence of doubt and regret?
The realization of a truth above all truths?
Everyday I doubt.
Everyday I regret.
Everyday I pray that this one truth is not what it seems.
Then I open my eyes, look around me, and know.
This emotion, this one emotion more than any other, leaves a bitter, hateful taste in my mouth.
Love itself defies logic, does it not?
It tears down the fortress you put around yourself.
And for days, weeks, months before hand, you didn't even see it happen.
All you know is that in the blink of an eye, you're unprotected.
You were too busy memorizing the lines of his face to notice anything else.
I saw his face once, long ago.
I stumbled backwards and found myself on my knees, ready and willing to worship love.
But love tapped me on the shoulder and then spat in my face.
And all the while, there I knelt, gazing at a soul I had known before.
I would die for love, you know.
Even though I hate it.
Even though it robs me of my sanity, my free will, my natural inclinations for self preservation.
Run away, whispers sanity.
Don't give in, whispers free will.
But give in I did.
I was happy with my choice.
Despite the odds.
My fortress had been torn down, my sanity had left me, and all I could see were the lines of his face.
That beautiful face that made me cry with longing and familiarity. 
I saw in him all I had ever wanted to see.
And though I knelt before him, my hands open to him, my head bowed in supplication,
He turned from me with despair in his eyes.
It's too hard, he whispered.
I won't allow it, he cried.
And so he ran from me.
He boarded a plane and took another's hand.
And there I knelt.
Amidst the rubble and chaos; my sanity dead in the gutter, and all logic wrenched from me.
I beat the earth with my fists and begged him to look at me again.
Then, with one glance over his shoulder and a tear on his cheek, he was gone with the gust of spring winds.
And I was left all alone to make sense of it.
Now my hands are bloodied.
My face is stained with a thousand tears unshed.
My heart lies in pieces, tucked away in a pretty box lined with white satin.
And the rich red color it once had is beginning to fade.
All for one small truth:
That I am in love with a man that I cannot have.
So I abandon logic.
Before it abandons me.



"It's funny how beautiful people look when they're walking out the door."






]]> heartache life love tragedy Buzznet angelwithbrokenwings 2009-01-29T20:18:00Z <![CDATA[Not This Time]]> http://angelwithbrokenwings.buzznet.com/user/journal/3107161/ And it's been many months since my heart felt like it was going to leap out of my chest.
It seems as though my heart, my stomach, and my soul are all inexplicably interconnected.
I used to be able to hone in on you.
Kind of like seeing the light of a star even though I am billions of miles from it.
But over the past few months, I couldn't seem to break through.
I thought you had left.
I thought you were living on sunny beaches in sunny places, dating some brunette with a penchant for being simple.
Some brunette who doesn't even know what penchant means, actually.
But no.
Something far worse has happened.
It took me a long while to get used to the idea of you being gone. 
But I did it.
I had to.  For my own sanity, I had to.
And for the first time in over 9 years, I was over you.
And then I hear what you are doing to yourself.
And I hear that you are tempting fate in the most unwise way possible.
Stick a gun to your head, my love.
Because with every prick of that needle, what you plan to do is far worse than blowing your brains out.
I know that you have never thought that you deserved my love.
I know that you think that I would be ashamed of you.
And I tell you this now, hoping that you will hear me:
Never once in the decade that I have known you,
Never once in all of the thousands of hours we have spent side by side,
Never once in all of the times we kissed and laughed and cried,
Have I EVER been ashamed of you.
Never once.
And I sure as hell am not ashamed of you now.
I am, however, completely and totally terrified.
I don't think I have ever been this scared in my life,
Nor have I ever been more determined to seek you out and wrench the syringe from your hand if need be. 
I have a duty to myself to save that precious sanity of mine that I spoke of earlier.
And I cannot do that with you six feet under.
I will not play the widow in this tragedy.
I refuse.
And that is exactly who I would be.
The grieving "wife", collapsed on top of your grave, beating the earth with her fists and begging God to tell her why.
"Why didn't he see?"
"Why didn't he try?"
"Why didn't he listen?"
"Why didn't he........."
So if you think you are going to get out the easy way, you are sadly mistaken.
I don't give up easily and I won't give up on you.
We may never be together ever again,
At least not in this lifetime.
But I couldn't care less about that.
We may never love one another like we did in years past,
But that ultimately means nothing.
Because if I have to,
I will drag you back from St. Peter's gate or the 9th Circle of Hell.
And there is not a damn thing you can do that will stop me.
I love you too much to watch you slip and fall beneath the waves of this.
I know that I alone cannot save your soul. 
But I can sure as fuck try.]]> heartache life love tragedy Buzznet angelwithbrokenwings 2008-10-03T00:43:00Z <![CDATA[A Rant Directed Towards People Who Take Shit WWWWAAAAAYYYYYY Too Seriously!!!]]> http://angelwithbrokenwings.buzznet.com/user/journal/2780401/
Yanno, I think that it's AMAZING when people are literally IN love with a band.  I understand how it feels.  I can say with complete and total confidence and pride that I am IN love with HIM.  And yes, such a thing is possible.  The feeling that silly band from the farthest corner of the Northern world gives me when I hear one of their songs is nothing short of magical.  When I see them in concert it is as close to a religious experience as one can have without being actually religious, LOL.  At least organized religion, anyway..........
HOWEVER-
If I see My Beloved Finnish God, Mr. Ville Hermanni Valo, Photoshopped to look like Snow White or Wonder Woman, guess what?  I DON'T TAKE IT SERIOUSLY!!!!!!!!!!!!  Why?  Because I have a fucking sense of humor!!!!!  If I see a pic of two of my favorite musicians Photoshopped to look like they are lying in bed together, guess what?  I don't give a flying fuck!!!!  Why?  Because it's A JOKE.  Now, I'm not gonna lie.....seeing someone, Ville Valo for example, kissing another boy makes me hot.  It just DOES.  It's like two for the price of one.  It's "taboo" and "forbidden" and deviates from the "norm".  It's the same damn thing for guys.  They get their jollies from seeing two hot chicks make out.  It is what it is.  Does that make them less of a human being than someone who doesn't like seeing two hot chicks make out?  Hell to the no!!!!!  Just like it doesn't make me less of a person by liking the thought of two beautiful men acting like idiots by grabbing each other's asses on stage.  "But he's a person, he's not a piece of meat, he's a person, all of you who like this are idiots!" some people say.  Bullshit!!!!  YES, they ARE people.  Damn right they are.  Wonderful, amazing, talented, beautiful, FAMOUS people.  They KNOW what they are doing.  No one is pointing a gun to their head saying "Alright, Gerard, go kiss Bert or BANG!"  That's recockulous.  So when I hear someone say "OMG!  (Insert famous person's name here) would be so angry if they saw what you guys are Photoshopping them to do!!"  I have to laugh my ass off.  Because I can guarantee they HAVE seen some of it.  And I can also guarantee that they, along with most of us, laugh hysterically over it!!!  And you know what else?  It's damn good PR.  With every picture and every story and every piece of fan art, they become that much more famous.  And what does fame in this instance mean?  Money!  And although money is the root of all evil, money also means success.  Money means that my favorite rock star in the ENTIRE known universe can buy his dream house in the English countryside.  Money means taking care of their families when they become too old to take care of themselves.  Money means funding the concerts that WE as fans ADORE to go to.  If I was famous (gimme time, people.  LMFAO!!!!  XD  ), I would be damn happy that there were people out there who loved me enough and thought enough of me to promote me, albeit in a rather unconventional way.  So, the next time one of you looks down your nose at me or one of my compatriots, think twice.  You are no better and no worse than I am.  And if you think that you are, the Universe will be MORE than happy to put you back in your place.
Thank you for taking the time to read this, and have a lovely evening.

--------END RANT---------
]]> 30stm 69 eyes afi brian molko davey havok gerard way him jared leto matt wachter mcr pia provehito in altum rant shannon leto tim kelleher tomo milicevic ville valo Buzznet angelwithbrokenwings 2008-07-31T21:08:00Z <![CDATA[OI! HATERS! THIS is for YOU!]]> http://angelwithbrokenwings.buzznet.com/user/journal/2749321/ Thank you, and have a beautiful day!  :-)
]]> haters Buzznet angelwithbrokenwings 2008-07-26T21:39:00Z <![CDATA[DAMMIT! Pete Wentz's face is back!]]> http://angelwithbrokenwings.buzznet.com/user/journal/2662111/
Sorry.

Bad evening.
]]> Buzznet angelwithbrokenwings 2008-07-10T21:19:00Z <![CDATA[Does anyone else think it's weird that Lindsay Lohan is suddenly a lesbian?]]> http://angelwithbrokenwings.buzznet.com/user/journal/2649561/ Anyway, just commenting.  No one is probably going to read this anyway, LOL.
]]> lindsay lohan Buzznet angelwithbrokenwings 2008-07-08T19:21:00Z <![CDATA[OMFG!!!!!!!!!!!!! I have 616 Buzzies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!]]> http://angelwithbrokenwings.buzznet.com/user/journal/2645481/

]]> 616 buzzies Buzznet angelwithbrokenwings 2008-07-08T01:52:00Z <![CDATA[One of the Best Random Rants I Have Written In A Long Time]]> http://angelwithbrokenwings.buzznet.com/user/journal/2623441/


See, here's the big problem: you don't go looking for love. It goes looking for you. There you are, standing on the Sidewalk of Life and *POW!!!!!!!*, Love the Semi Truck pounds you into hamburger all over the street, people's yards, the Sidewalk, everything. And somehow, by the grace of the devil, you're able to get up and walk around. In fact, not only are you back in one piece, but you have NO idea what just happened.
And then Love the Semi Truck drives away.
And you're left alone.
And you feel like you've been hit again, but you realize that it's the ABSENCE of being hit which is causing so much ungodly pain and unbearable anguish.






Okay, I'm sorry, I'm gonna toot my own horn here and say that kicked major ass, LMFAO!!!!
]]> broken heart love Buzznet angelwithbrokenwings 2008-07-03T23:46:00Z <![CDATA[What's the deal......]]> http://angelwithbrokenwings.buzznet.com/user/journal/2568631/ ......with people's snarky comments?  I mean, don't act like the person who posted the picture/video/article is stupid!  Just fucking be nice about!  People will respect you a hell of a lot more if you're nice.  I've seen WAY too many people on here act like jackasses towards others.  If you don't have anything nice to say, or you're gonna say something in a snide know-it-all way, then just don't freaking say it!  Very simple, children.

End rant.

]]> Buzznet angelwithbrokenwings 2008-06-24T02:19:00Z <![CDATA[GAH!!!!!!!!!!! Just..................GAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!]]> http://angelwithbrokenwings.buzznet.com/user/journal/2557961/ Why do people fall in love?  I'll tell you why: for nothing more than procreation.  Love is a series of chemicals released into your brain.  What do you do when you love someone?  You get down and dirty and fuck!  What happens as a result?  Babies!!!  Therefore, it has now become my life goal to find the cure for love.  Fuck it all, I am sick to death of this godforesaken disease that has wracked my body for long enough!!!!!  Out, damn love!  Out!!!  If I could purge it out of me like a heroin addict in rehab, I would.

GAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

 

*hangs head*

I don't actually believe any of that.

But it sounded nice.

]]> love Buzznet angelwithbrokenwings 2008-06-22T00:23:00Z